So yes! You read that correctly we are having a baby!
I feel so lucky, blessed. ecstatic, dumbfounded, honored, that our God, the Lord of the universe would allow us to shepherd one of His children.
We went to the dr. for the first time on March 18th. It was a monday, that morning we were feeling excited and in a sort of awe that we were going to the doctor because we were having a baby! Completely unbelievable.
So we go in, they were really sweet. The doctor was really nice. She was wearing like fancier clothes than I would imagine a dr. should wear to work. She didn't have a white doctor coat on. Her hair was blond and curled. Is it odd that I remember all that? Maybe one day when I tell my sweet baby this story, they'll think it's cute their mom rembered. Nah probably not, they'll probably just think their mom is crazy.
We went through all the questions and whatnot, and she was going to do an ultra sound. She asked me if I've had any complication? No. Any bleeding? No. She's looking at the screen. Idk what she looked like I was just feeling violated and awkward because she was doing an internal ultra sound. She asked again if I've had any bleeding. No. When was your last period? Christmas. Are you sure? Yes, I remember because I wanted to be pregnant by then and imagined all these cute ways of telling our families. I'm sure it was Christmas. I honestly didn't think of thing of this until later when I was rethinking how that whole thing went down. She turned the screen for me to see, she explained really sweetly that she was expecting me to be 10-12 weeks and what we should be looking at. Then explained thats not what we were looking at. She showed me the wrinkled amniotic sac. She showed me how she couldn't see a 10-12 week old baby. Then showed me she saw something small.
I had been preparing myself for this moment. I thought through my head many times what I would do, say, act like if the dr. told us bad news at our appointment. All I could think was, God is in control. God is good, His ways are above ours. He answered a prayer with this baby.
I looked at Jordan. He does not think through ridiculous scenarios like I do. He had not gone over in his head what he would act like. He looked so pale. He looked scared.
I just said ok to the dr like what she had said didn't even phase me.She explained that if we really were 10-12 weeks that things have gone wrong. Maybe my body just didn't know yet. Or there was a possibility that our calculations were wrong, maybe I ovulated late. It was a long shot but maybe I was only 6-8 weeks pregnant. I don't know if she really was but I just felt like she was staring at the cross necklace around my neck. Did she too think I was going crazy, or expected this, or did she know that I just trusted God. That He could get us through this.
We got blood work done, and planned to come back in 2 weeks.
Jordan didn't say a word. We walked out, and got into the elevator. I know that look he had on his face. I asked him how he was and he just said he was processing. I said everything was going to be fine. We talked about how I had found out 6 weeks ago that I was pregnant that I obviously had to be before that day for the test to be positive. We got in the car, and started driving. As I stared out the window I just started crying. Crying because I was just sad, and mad and confused. Crying just because we don't know and wouldn't know for 2 more weeks. Crying because I hate when Jordan feels and looks like that. Crying because even though I trust in God I couldn't do a thing about this stupid situation. I felt like I didn't want to tell a single soul that this was my situation and if I told anyone I would just start crying.
We went to lunch with our friends, and helped them with their car. We shared briefly what had happened, I was thankful they were praying with us. I wanted to be surrounded in prayer, but I didn't want to tell anyone. We were busy the whole day right after that we decided to go to our small group that night. Our good friends who lead had a similar situation with their daughter, when their sac was misshapen their doctor even advised to abort. And now they have a beautiful and perfect daughter. I was so thankful for them, for their experience and for their love. They said it was ok to cry, I was already crying but Jordan started to cry and that made me weep. I felt bad for making him be strong that whole day. The whole day when I was crying I didn't even think to comfort him. Our friends prayed over us, cried with us. We stood together believing for a miracle and trusting our heavenly father. Our group prayed over us and our baby.
We are praying for healing and believing for a miricle. We believe that we are in God's hands, he already knows the outcome. We feel His peace and outpouring love. We are standing in faith that he has created this baby and knows him or her, we pray that His will be done. That in a few months we too are holding a beautiful perfect baby. We are praying that in 2 weeks when we go back that the sac is perfectly round and that there is a healthy baby growing inside my womb.
I feel so lucky, blessed. ecstatic, dumbfounded, honored, that our God, the Lord of the universe would allow us to shepherd one of His children.
We went to the dr. for the first time on March 18th. It was a monday, that morning we were feeling excited and in a sort of awe that we were going to the doctor because we were having a baby! Completely unbelievable.
So we go in, they were really sweet. The doctor was really nice. She was wearing like fancier clothes than I would imagine a dr. should wear to work. She didn't have a white doctor coat on. Her hair was blond and curled. Is it odd that I remember all that? Maybe one day when I tell my sweet baby this story, they'll think it's cute their mom rembered. Nah probably not, they'll probably just think their mom is crazy.
We went through all the questions and whatnot, and she was going to do an ultra sound. She asked me if I've had any complication? No. Any bleeding? No. She's looking at the screen. Idk what she looked like I was just feeling violated and awkward because she was doing an internal ultra sound. She asked again if I've had any bleeding. No. When was your last period? Christmas. Are you sure? Yes, I remember because I wanted to be pregnant by then and imagined all these cute ways of telling our families. I'm sure it was Christmas. I honestly didn't think of thing of this until later when I was rethinking how that whole thing went down. She turned the screen for me to see, she explained really sweetly that she was expecting me to be 10-12 weeks and what we should be looking at. Then explained thats not what we were looking at. She showed me the wrinkled amniotic sac. She showed me how she couldn't see a 10-12 week old baby. Then showed me she saw something small.
I had been preparing myself for this moment. I thought through my head many times what I would do, say, act like if the dr. told us bad news at our appointment. All I could think was, God is in control. God is good, His ways are above ours. He answered a prayer with this baby.
I looked at Jordan. He does not think through ridiculous scenarios like I do. He had not gone over in his head what he would act like. He looked so pale. He looked scared.
I just said ok to the dr like what she had said didn't even phase me.She explained that if we really were 10-12 weeks that things have gone wrong. Maybe my body just didn't know yet. Or there was a possibility that our calculations were wrong, maybe I ovulated late. It was a long shot but maybe I was only 6-8 weeks pregnant. I don't know if she really was but I just felt like she was staring at the cross necklace around my neck. Did she too think I was going crazy, or expected this, or did she know that I just trusted God. That He could get us through this.
We got blood work done, and planned to come back in 2 weeks.
Jordan didn't say a word. We walked out, and got into the elevator. I know that look he had on his face. I asked him how he was and he just said he was processing. I said everything was going to be fine. We talked about how I had found out 6 weeks ago that I was pregnant that I obviously had to be before that day for the test to be positive. We got in the car, and started driving. As I stared out the window I just started crying. Crying because I was just sad, and mad and confused. Crying just because we don't know and wouldn't know for 2 more weeks. Crying because I hate when Jordan feels and looks like that. Crying because even though I trust in God I couldn't do a thing about this stupid situation. I felt like I didn't want to tell a single soul that this was my situation and if I told anyone I would just start crying.
We went to lunch with our friends, and helped them with their car. We shared briefly what had happened, I was thankful they were praying with us. I wanted to be surrounded in prayer, but I didn't want to tell anyone. We were busy the whole day right after that we decided to go to our small group that night. Our good friends who lead had a similar situation with their daughter, when their sac was misshapen their doctor even advised to abort. And now they have a beautiful and perfect daughter. I was so thankful for them, for their experience and for their love. They said it was ok to cry, I was already crying but Jordan started to cry and that made me weep. I felt bad for making him be strong that whole day. The whole day when I was crying I didn't even think to comfort him. Our friends prayed over us, cried with us. We stood together believing for a miracle and trusting our heavenly father. Our group prayed over us and our baby.
We are praying for healing and believing for a miricle. We believe that we are in God's hands, he already knows the outcome. We feel His peace and outpouring love. We are standing in faith that he has created this baby and knows him or her, we pray that His will be done. That in a few months we too are holding a beautiful perfect baby. We are praying that in 2 weeks when we go back that the sac is perfectly round and that there is a healthy baby growing inside my womb.
**Obviously I did not post this right away, this was written on May 19th. You can now read the rest of our story in other posts
No comments:
Post a Comment